My sweetheart and I have been dating for roughly two and a half years now *crowd cheers*. Those who don’t know much about us see our pretty pictures and can’t help but notice our candid best-friendship and often say to me,
Aww! You guys are so perfect!
First of all, THANK YOU! It always warms my heart to hear things like that. And although it’s quite the compliment,
I hate to break it to you, hopeless romantics, but we are nowhere near perfect.
I don’t say this because I’m not happy with him or because we’re not doing well (because we’re doing great), but we’re a young couple so of course, we have our share of kinks. Dating is an adventure and once you get through the blissful honeymoon phase, you really start to see what you’re dealing with.
I’ve learned so much about love and friendship through our relationship, but the reality of it is, it’s a lot of f*cking work.
Thank you, Disney for brainwashing me into believing that love is about seven dwarves, magic slippers, and wet kisses with slimy green frogs. So I’m going to get vulnerable and put it all out there.
Here are 10 brutally honest things about my relationship to show you that even the picture-perfect couples are dealing with shit.
01. We have a history.
Trei and I go waaay back…which is saying a lot coming from me, the not-so-army-brat. For those of you who don’t know, I moved around a lot as a kid, so I really value relationships where I can stand being around the person for longer than 12 months.
I give a quick snapshot of our history here.
And I share the full story of how we met here.
02. Which is accompanied by a shit ton of baggage.
Let me just take a second to clear things up for all of the haters — as I describe in this post, boyfriend and I grew really close through a mutual friend we had in college. She and I were literally inseparable…but she was dating him at the time.
Before you get your panties in a knot, she and I were great friends for our first few years in college. But like all young women who go to college to discover themselves, we naturally grew apart. So sad, I know. I was pretty torn up about the friend break-up too.
So as you can imagine, when they split up and he and I started dating not too long after, all hell broke loose. Rumors that we had been secretly seeing each other and cheating behind her back spread like wildfire on campus. I lost quite a few friends trying to defend the innocence of our relationship. Trei had never so much as hugged me too tight when they were together, but no one bought it. Trust me, I tried so hard to explain.
It’s safe to say that a great majority of the beginning of our relationship was spent fighting off haters and mean-ass people. The fact that we made it through all of the trolling and crap-talking was a testament to our resilience (and because he has much tougher skin than I do).
03. We fight, and we fight hard.
Surprise, surprise. We fight. And yes, they get ugly. That’s not something that I’m proud of. This is usually the point of the conversation when someone would lie and say that “it’s no big deal” and they have great makeup sex after.
Nope. I told you that I was being honest. When we fight, I don’t really want to talk to him let alone look at him for at least 3 hours. Oh stop it, I feel you giving me the side eye. All couples fight y’all. And we’re no different.
04. So we don’t always like one another.
I’m the passive aggressive one and he’s the hot head. So when we finally run out of things to scream about, we need some space to cool down. By this time, I’m usually reaching for the strongest liquor in our kitchen and Trei is playing a candy crush knock off on his phone.
We don’t always like each other, but we always love each other. See, I tried to end on a positive! I can get brownie points for that right?
05. We’ve broken up.
I tried to tell you. We’re no fairytale. About a year into our relationship, we were under a ton of stress; I was about to graduate from college, scouring the internet for any company that would hire me, my roommate hated me, and he had his share of garbage going on.
And we were immature. Instead of communicating about our problems, we raised our voices and hurt each other’s feelings. So I ended it.
*Spoiler alert* we put our big kid pants on, grew up, and got back together a few months later. Yay us!
06. Which means not everyone likes us together.
A word of advice for anyone in a relationship: be careful what you share with your family and friends. They only want the best for you so they aren’t as quick to forgive him, even if you are.
When we broke up, we burned a lot of bridges on both sides. It took some time, but we were able to repair the broken feelings and rebuild those relationships. Fortunately, they’re much stronger and we cleaned up most of the collateral damage.
07. And that really bothers me.
I’m so guilty of this. I care so much about what people think; about me and our relationship. I promise I’m really really working on it. But there are still a handful of people, who will remain anonymous, who aren’t exactly over our little breakup. They say awful things about us either directly or under their breath. It’s taken me a while, but it doesn’t bother me as much anymore. You know why? Because of this gem right here.
“If you’re not feeding me, funding me, or f*cking me, it’s none of your goddamn business”.
Well then. Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s move on to number eight…
08. Sure, we’ve talked about the M word, but we’re nowhere near ready.
After two years of
fighting dating, moving in together, splitting the bills, and many other factors that I’ll save for later, we feel that we want to keep doing this life thing together. Oh and I’ll take his name and wear a fancy ring…eventually.
I would love to marry him, give him a ton of children (three’s a crowd right?), and be with him forever. But we’re not ready yet. I’m 23 and he’s 24 so sure, we’re at the point where we could get hitched, but there are still plenty of things that we want to organize before that happens. For example, I want to clean up my credit and make enough money to not have to hold my breath when I swipe my debit card before I start daydreaming about being a bridezilla.
09. But we already have our share of pre-in-law drama.
Oh boy. I’ll spare you all of the details but both of us have bat-shit crazy families. I’ll just say, you don’t just date the person you’re with, you date the family too. Plan accordingly.
10. We’ve survived a lot of shit.
In what feels like such a short time, we’ve been through so much. I’ve been in two car accidents, Trei was hit by a car and thrown from his motorcycle, my parents divorced after 27 years of marriage, a handful of friend break-ups, family fall outs, a death in the family, tattoos, vacations….the list is endless.
But you know what?
Takeaway: I wouldn’t want to struggle, grow, or learn with anyone else in the world.
They say to date your best friend. No no, not best friend that you draw BFF on their yearbook and wear matching shirts with. Your REAL best friend.
The one that you can sit around the house completely busted from a long day at work with. The one that you can go a full day without seeing, but you’d rather spend it with them. The one that makes things ten times more fun. The one who doesn’t complete you, but compliments you. The one that makes you a better version of yourself.
And that’s what we have. A raw, authentic, brutally honest love. That’s what they should show in the movies. This is our love story. It’s taken us some time to get here, but I wouldn’t change it for a thing.
What are some honest things about your relationship? It’s okay to share. It’s a safe place 🙂
P.S. If you’re reading this boo boos, I love you ❤