10 Brutally Honest Things About My Relationship

My sweetheart and I have been dating for roughly two and a half years now *crowd cheers*. Those who don’t know much about us see our pretty pictures and can’t help but notice our candid best-friendship and often say to me,

Aww! You guys are so perfect! 

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First of all, THANK YOU! It always warms my heart to hear things like that. And although it’s quite the compliment,

I hate to break it to you, hopeless romantics, but we are nowhere near perfect.

I don’t say this because I’m not happy with him or because we’re not doing well (because we’re doing great), but we’re a young couple so of course, we have our share of kinks. Dating is an adventure and once you get through the blissful honeymoon phase, you really start to see what you’re dealing with.

I’ve learned so much about love and friendship through our relationship, but the reality of it is, it’s a lot of f*cking work. 

Thank you, Disney for brainwashing me into believing that love is about seven dwarves, magic slippers, and wet kisses with slimy green frogs. So I’m going to get vulnerable and put it all out there.

Here are 10 brutally honest things about my relationship to show you that even the picture-perfect couples are dealing with shit.

 

01. We have a history.

Trei and I go waaay back…which is saying a lot coming from me, the not-so-army-brat. For those of you who don’t know, I moved around a lot as a kid, so I really value relationships where I can stand being around the person for longer than 12 months.

I give a quick snapshot of our history here.

And I share the full story of how we met here

 

02. Which is accompanied by a shit ton of baggage. 

Let me just take a second to clear things up for all of the haters — as I describe in this post, boyfriend and I grew really close through a mutual friend we had in college. She and I were literally inseparable…but she was dating him at the time.

Before you get your panties in a knot, she and I were great friends for our first few years in college. But like all young women who go to college to discover themselves, we naturally grew apart. So sad, I know. I was pretty torn up about the friend break-up too.

So as you can imagine, when they split up and he and I started dating not too long after, all hell broke loose. Rumors that we had been secretly seeing each other and cheating behind her back spread like wildfire on campus. I lost quite a few friends trying to defend the innocence of our relationship. Trei had never so much as hugged me too tight when they were together, but no one bought it. Trust me, I tried so hard to explain.

It’s safe to say that a great majority of the beginning of our relationship was spent fighting off haters and mean-ass people. The fact that we made it through all of the trolling and crap-talking was a testament to our resilience (and because he has much tougher skin than I do).

03. We fight, and we fight hard. 

Surprise, surprise. We fight. And yes, they get ugly. That’s not something that I’m proud of. This is usually the point of the conversation when someone would lie and say that “it’s no big deal” and they have great makeup sex after.

Nope. I told you that I was being honest. When we fight, I don’t really want to talk to him let alone look at him for at least 3 hours. Oh stop it, I feel you giving me the side eye. All couples fight y’all. And we’re no different.

04. So we don’t always like one another. 

I’m the passive aggressive one and he’s the hot head. So when we finally run out of things to scream about, we need some space to cool down. By this time, I’m usually reaching for the strongest liquor in our kitchen and Trei is playing a candy crush knock off on his phone.

We don’t always like each other, but we always love each other. See, I tried to end on a positive! I can get brownie points for that right?

05. We’ve broken up.

I tried to tell you. We’re no fairytale. About a year into our relationship, we were under a ton of stress; I was about to graduate from college, scouring the internet for any company that would hire me, my roommate hated me, and he had his share of garbage going on.

And we were immature. Instead of communicating about our problems, we raised our voices and hurt each other’s feelings. So I ended it.

*Spoiler alert* we put our big kid pants on, grew up, and got back together a few months later. Yay us!

06. Which means not everyone likes us together. 

A word of advice for anyone in a relationship: be careful what you share with your family and friends. They only want the best for you so they aren’t as quick to forgive him, even if you are.

When we broke up, we burned a lot of bridges on both sides. It took some time, but we were able to repair the broken feelings and rebuild those relationships. Fortunately, they’re much stronger and we cleaned up most of the collateral damage.

07. And that really bothers me. 

I’m so guilty of this. I care so much about what people think; about me and our relationship. I promise I’m really really working on it. But there are still a handful of people, who will remain anonymous, who aren’t exactly over our little breakup. They say awful things about us either directly or under their breath. It’s taken me a while, but it doesn’t bother me as much anymore. You know why? Because of this gem right here.

“If you’re not feeding me, funding me, or f*cking me, it’s none of your goddamn business”. 

Well then. Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s move on to number eight…

08. Sure, we’ve talked about the M word, but we’re nowhere near ready. 

After two years of fighting dating, moving in together, splitting the bills, and many other factors that I’ll save for later, we feel that we want to keep doing this life thing together. Oh and I’ll take his name and wear a fancy ring…eventually.

I would love to marry him, give him a ton of children (three’s a crowd right?), and be with him forever. But we’re not ready yet. I’m 23 and he’s 24 so sure, we’re at the point where we could get hitched, but there are still plenty of things that we want to organize before that happens. For example, I want to clean up my credit and make enough money to not have to hold my breath when I swipe my debit card before I start daydreaming about being a bridezilla.

09. But we already have our share of pre-in-law drama. 

Oh boy. I’ll spare you all of the details but both of us have bat-shit crazy families. I’ll just say, you don’t just date the person you’re with, you date the family too. Plan accordingly.

10. We’ve survived a lot of shit. 

In what feels like such a short time, we’ve been through so much. I’ve been in two car accidents, Trei was hit by a car and thrown from his motorcycle, my parents divorced after 27 years of marriage, a handful of friend break-ups, family fall outs, a death in the family, tattoos, vacations….the list is endless.

But you know what?

 

Takeaway: I wouldn’t want to struggle, grow, or learn with anyone else in the world.

They say to date your best friend. No no, not best friend that you draw BFF on their yearbook and wear matching shirts with. Your REAL best friend.

The one that you can sit around the house completely busted from a long day at work with. The one that you can go a full day without seeing, but you’d rather spend it with them. The one that makes things ten times more fun. The one who doesn’t complete you, but compliments you. The one that makes you a better version of yourself.

View More: http://robinkayphotography.pass.us/paigeherbertgrad    View More: http://robinkayphotography.pass.us/paigeherbertgrad

View More: http://robinkayphotography.pass.us/paigeherbertgrad    View More: http://robinkayphotography.pass.us/paigeherbertgrad

And that’s what we have. A raw, authentic, brutally honest love. That’s what they should show in the movies. This is our love story. It’s taken us some time to get here, but I wouldn’t change it for a thing. 

View More: http://robinkayphotography.pass.us/paigeherbertgrad
Thank you for listening to our story.

 

What are some honest things about your relationship? It’s okay to share. It’s a safe place 🙂

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P.S. If you’re reading this boo boos, I love you ❤ 

 

 

44 Comments Add yours

  1. UUummmm YES to the friends and family want the best for you part! That is always such a delicate place. Thanks for being so candid with us!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes! It’s a tricky spot to be in. You want to share everything with them but it’s pretty tough when things aren’t always as rosy in the relationship.

      You are absolutely welcome! I hope that it was valuable in some way. My candor was inspired by your vulnerability on your page 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. So glad to hear that my vulnerability inspired yours… TEAR! TEAR! TEAR!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oh definitely! You are an incredible writer and you always stay true to your promise of vulnerability which takes tremendous courage. I was honored to write with that kind of mindset in this post specifically.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Your words are too kind! Big Hugs to you Paige! Looking forward to journeying alongside you through your entires!

        Like

  2. on the level says:

    I love your writing style. You are very free for someone your age. And you look like a happy couple, happier than I have ever achieved in my life. Following

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh my goodness, thank you so much! Thank you not only for following me and tagging along but for your honesty. I’m so grateful for feedback (: I’m glad that you got to get to know us a little better through this post. There’s plenty more where that came from.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi Paige. I appreciate your spunky and honest writing. Thanks for following my blog, Brad

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Brad! Thank you for the kind words. I’m so happy that my writing was able to pique your interest. I appreciate your support and I enjoy your blog as well!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. rysieblog says:

    Great post. Long term relationships take a shit-tonne of work, back and forth, negotiation and patience. But I’ve found, after almost 19 years with my partner, if you build the foundations of that relationship on genuine respect, thoughtfulness, faithfulness and trust, the hurdles you face along the way can be tackled together, no doubt. Be good to each other, every day. Don’t say hurtful shit, with the intent to get one up on each other. Recognise when you need to step away and take a breath from an argument, and know that most of the arguments are probably avoidable if you put some big effort into your communication strategies. Just love the shit out of each other, every day, and CHOOSE each other, every day, and you guys will be just fine. Xo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. PREACH. I felt every word of this. Thank you, and congratulations for 19 years! I look forward to saying that one day.

      Like

      1. rysieblog says:

        Hey mate, just wanted you to know I’ve nominated you for a Liebster Award: https://rysieblog.wordpress.com/2017/12/18/a-liebster-award-for-my-ramblings/

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Sweetheart, I am so humbled. Thank you for nominating me! You have made my entire day (I needed a bit of a pick-me-up). Keep your eyes peeled for a sappy post about how honored I am that you considered me for this! With love, thank you dear ❤

        Like

      3. rysieblog says:

        You’re most welcome! Your writing is lovely, keep it up!

        Liked by 1 person

  5. hashtagpanic says:

    Yay honesty!!

    We have our issues too – no relationship is perfect! But the important part is that we always come back together in the end:)

    http://www.hashtagpanic.com

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Absolutely (: that’s what makes it exciting right?!

      Like

  6. Sm00chezzz says:

    I absolutely love this. Thank you for sharing

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, thank you 🙂 I’m happy that you enjoyed getting to know us a little bit.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sm00chezzz says:

        Yes I did I’m now following you on here and Instagram

        Like

  7. Girl, you’re good. I like your style of writing A LOT.
    So that you know, I’ve been through all these stages and we’re still together. Yay. It’s a struggle, a damn hard one……BTW, 23 is way to young for a marriage and kids if you ask me. Take your time. M. is some serious shit. All the best Paige and see u around.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much (: I’m so glad that my voice resonates with you. You’ll never have a shortage of authenticity from me!

      I’m so glad that you agree. I feel way too young (personally) to walk down the aisle and both of us are totally fine with that. I’m happy to hear that you and your S.O have survived these peaks and valleys. All good relationships do! Thanks for being here (:

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Of course….I got a kid at 39. And no, it’s never too late and no, I don’t feel old (will turn 41 soon). Again, take your time.
        You’re welcome honey. Keep in touch.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. That’s wonderful (: and I definitely will! I’d love to get to know you more!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. You will with time. Glad we connected. Hugs and talk to you soon.

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Bryce Warden says:

    I love this! I have been married to my husband for 15 years and we dated for 6 years prior to that. Our relationship did not follow a linear path….in fact it resembled a roller coaster for a handful of years. Now we are on the carousel and I am still in love with him….sure there are days that I don’t want to hear him chew but most days we’re good and even when we are bad….I have faith that it’ll pass and we’ll be good again. I like your writing voice and I’m a midlifer (please don’t kick me out).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Congratulations on 15 amazing years! I certainly hope that he and I can have a story like yours (: but you’re absolutely right, we all have our days but it’s all about loving who you’re with. Thank you so much for your kind words. Make yourself right at home (: I’m happy that you’re here tagging along!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Bryce Warden says:

        Hi Paige – thanks for checking out some of my posts. I have two sites not sure how I did that….most of my stuff is here, if you are so inclined – similar names but different posts – https://wasthatmyoutloudvoice.com/

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I will make sure to visit the site and take a look around! I love the name (: thank you for sharing.

        Liked by 1 person

    2. The midlifer thing… I know right? I’m 44 and afraid she is gonna think “OH shit, parents are here”.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Not at all! You are welcomed with open arms ❤️

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Yaa Yaa says:

    Yes to ALL OF THIS!

    And thanks for being honest. Too many happy couples acting like things are perfect all the time. Please. Relationships are like roller coasters. Ups and downs.

    Relationships are a lot about unpacking your own crap too. When we’re single, we don’t realize our own stuff but get in a relationship and all of that *junk* will come to the forefront. Humbling.

    Totally agree with you on being careful what you share. Best way to keep a relationship is to keep others out of it.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I learned that last part the hard way my friend…so now I preach it to anyone willing to listen. Keep the relationship between you and your honey!

      I agree completely. It’s such a shame to see glossy pictures and captions on social media of “couple goals” when in reality, relationships are so much harder than that. I think it all comes with maturity.

      It was so freeing to write this and share with the world so bless you for reading and for sharing such sweet comments 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  10. After reading several of your posts the other day, I wanted to message you to tell you that “You are doing it right”. You write honestly and from your heart, you realize that even though some things may seem like mistakes, they are learning experiences and you move on…. oh my starting to sound like a lecture here…. What I meant to say was KEEP DOING YOU, you do it well

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Aww, thank you so so much. You have no idea how much that reassured me! Life is tough and you all make it look so easy because you are doing it so very well. I’m so happy that you are enjoying my posts and my blatant honesty about my journey. Please stick around and don’t be shy to respond with your thoughts! I welcome them wholeheartedly and appreciate them more than you know (:

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Mandi Em says:

      Agreed I love that I found this blog

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I’m so happy to have you! ❤ ❤ ❤

        Like

  11. Mandi Em says:

    I just adore this and relate to it so much. My husband and i got married after 8 years together so we were to old and tired to have any new marital problems 😂 I love this posts authenticity ❤❤ best to you both!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Mandi ❤ You are so sweet. I'm so happy that you enjoyed this. We have many years to catch up to your marriage so I hope we're on the right track!

      I'm so happy that we've met through the blog and I hope that you stick around (:

      Like

  12. Great post and I do really like your writing style.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. How sweet of you! Thank you so very much. I am so happy that you enjoyed this and had a chance to get to know us a little better ❤ I'm so happy that you are enjoying my style. Stick around! I always have plenty to share 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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